DRACARIS – “Thorazine Goddess”
Blackened black/death metal from NYC.
http://deborahmax.com/html/writings.html – The story behind the song from the Thorazine Goddess herself.
Why “Thorazine Goddess”? Let me start by saying this is ALL TRUE… this is NOT fiction. It is an empowering and inspirational account for women, for men and women struggling in the mental health system, and for all people that feel alone and feel that they are without hope.
Years and years ago, an actual woman, the Thorazine Goddess, was incarcerated within the mental health system here in the northeastern United States and was enduring the horrors within this mental health system. When I use the word “horrors”, it is not for sensational value… Imagine being strapped down in a bed in 4-point restraints for so long that atrophy would set in on your legs so you cannot walk… restrained for so long that you would have to piss on yourself and wallow in your own filth like an animal… The Thorazine Goddess was also raped while in 4 point restraints by someone she thought she can trust on the staff. She was also pumped full of Thorazine either by injection or by a liquid, and the taste of that liquid she told me when I interviewed her was so bitter that she could never forget it. Was she sometimes violent, yes… one time she beat up a staff nurse so hard that the nurse had to be brought to a trauma ER in a different facility.
The Thorazine Goddess was deemed “a helpless cause who could never be a contributing member of society” by physicians/psychiatrists and they should just give up on her… but her mental illness was misdiagnosed all those years.
Finally after a correct diagnosis, and after all of her teenage years were stolen from her, the Thorazine Goddess has become a beautiful, successful, contributing member of society who is able to help others with mental illness or feelings of suicide.
These lyrics in “Thorazine Goddess” are her actual thoughts and feelings that she was able to document while she was filled with the drug Thorazine (when she wasn’t in 4 point restraints)… the lyrics give you an insight of what she must have been feeling… and hopefully will empower women that they can overcome extreme hardships… and inspire everyone to let them know that they are not alone, no matter how dire their plight may be!
Thorazine Goddess lyrics
Ride…. into the mist
My mind is an unlocked cage, my thoughts are a vehicle of motion, and my soul is the passenger on this fantastic journey through the land of my imagination
Tainted by this bitter fluid
That by which my head is fed
odejscie od rzeczywistosci (departure from reality in Polish), adrift in fantasia by means of Thorazine
The shadows sing in lucid tones
And echoes ejaculate their colors
They once froze, they now replay
Silence is my cry of pain reverberated against the wall of freedom
The unbearable din of my heartbeat is once again lashing out
a violent yet melodic rhythm
And the door of my heart’s cage is left swung open
Only to crash
I fall with grace
Bound by restraint I thrash and twist
Left only to dream
Of the surrealistic mist